Circa 2003:
Capps: I never liked you!
Circa 2005
Capps drops me off at my apartment in Morristown after a night of drinking:
Me: I can’t wait to go home and eat chips
Circa 2000, 2001, 2006, Revived in 2010
Me: Hi, I’m V.A.. Have we met? (I reach my hand out to shake).
Victim: Nice to meet you
Me: Great to meet you too! However, you are not drinking fast enough”
Circa 2010
Me: Elvis, I wish you would put as much effort into rubbing my feet as you do in professing your love for me. Love, love, love, blah, blah, blah.
Elvis: That’s a conflict of interest
Me: Jimmy Kimmel has narcolepsy
Elvis: No he doesn’t
Me: Do you know what narcolepsy is?
Elvis: Do you want me to smack you?
Me: Elvis, rub my face!
Elvis: You are taking advantage of me
Me: Don’t make me pimp slap you
Elvis: Do you know what Tiger Woods used for pick up lines?
Me: No. What did he use?
Elvis: Well, nothing really good but . . .
Me: Tequila makes me do bad thinks. Happy Cinco De Mayo
