Day 35
Sobriety has been a bit of a journey. I've discovered so much about myself and one thing that I realized is that I'm an addict. All of my life I have been surrounded by drug addicts and I realize for the first time that I too am an addict. Some would say that I'm addicted to being in control, to having things in order, alcohol, and maybe to always being right. What I have really been addicted to for about three years (on and off) was a person. For arguments sake we'll call him the Gemini. I've shook him off twice once for someone that I truly fell in love with, a person that I thought was perfect and who I inevitably lost and a second time more recently. I was excited at the prospect of something new and unknown. Of course that all went to shit when I get an phone call from him recently. He shared some really great news with me and it put me on shaky ground. I'm not going to hold my breath but I can be hopeful.
Speaking of holding my breath . . . on Friday I was waiting for the subway home to Jersey City. The train pulls up and there is an empty car between to relatively full cars. Now, if you are from NYC you know this means one of two things: the heating/cooling is messed up or there is an extremely smelly homeless person on the train. I took a peak and didn't see anyone on the train but I didn't really feel up for taking a gamble so I hopped on one of the adjacent cars. As the train left the station I expected train goers from the sparse car to move into our car. When I didn't see that happen I figured there was nothing wrong with that train car and thought I would move into it at the next station. Well when the train made it to the 9th street station there was a mad exodus from the train car. Usually when a train car is unbearable people will exit at the end of the car while the train is moving. Since that didn't happen I was kind of intrigued. So as the sparse car refugees entered our subway car I turned down my iPod to find out what had driven them from the less empty car comforts. Well apparently a homeless guy with a sense of humor took a dump at each end of the subway car blocking all in transit exits. So those poor people had to suffer on full train stop.
Day 36
According to my OB/GYN god is not punishing me for being a slut. It's actually quite the opposite. When you are not having sex very often it can affect the hormones in your body leading to heavy and difficult periods. So, yes, I need to handle that. She told me "to make friends." I told her that I gave up drinking so I'm not feeling all that social. She responded with, "Oh, no, that's not good."
14 days . . .
Conversation with my friend Chantel
Me: I really need a glass of wine, won't someone give me a fucking glass of wine?
Chantel: You can do it!
Me: I know, I know. I just have to make the last 14 days
Chantel: I'll just drink the wine for you and you can smell my breath.
Me: Thank you, that is awfully kind of you.
Chantel: You can even kiss me!
Me: That's a sign of a good friend. I'm so glad I have a friend like you.
Hugs!
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