Days 13 -15

Hey everyone. Sorry for my delay in posting. I've had to work all weekend so I haven't had much time or energy to get down to bitching about my sobriety.

Day 13

So today I'm being set-up by my friend Fannie and her husband, Alex, at their tattoo shop's one year anniversary party. I'm usually so against set ups because I'm weird and a geek but Fannie is always looking out for me so I couldn't say no. Since I'm not drinking alcohol you can multiply the weirdness and geekiness by a 100, in short I'm lame.

My usual approach to dating goes a little like this: go to a bar, get shitfaced, end up talking to a guy who I find intriguing on some level, suggest that we make out, inevitably take him home with me. If he doesn't annoy me in the morning and I remember his name then I offer him my number. I feel this weeds out the unnecessary bullshit present in early courtship. So agreeing to this "meet and greet" sober was a bad idea on my part. 

1opm: I arrive at Fannie's to meet up with Justine. Justine is another girl who is being set-up. Note: Fannie is preggers with her second baby so she needs something to occupy her time.

11pm: I head over to the bar where the party is being held. The place is packed! Justine needs a wristband. Alex cleverly sends me over to Matt, the guy I'm supposed to meet, to get a wrist band. 

I go over to Matt to ask for a wristband. He is also one of the owners of the shop, so I feel a little like a groupie.  Being that I am sober I'm not sure how to maneuver in this situation. If I had knocked back two Jack and Gingers I could have easily handled this situation but all I was armed with was a diet coke and my wits. I'm lame so I kindly ask if he is Matt and tell him McWatt sent me over for a wristband. He adorably smiles and kindly gives me a wristband.

I give Justine her wristband. She graciously tries to talk me out of my sobriety. She told me that I should "give up the want to be a raging alcoholic" for lent instead of the actual act of drinking. Of course that would have been a great idea 13 days ago.

Justine and I get to talking about the guys that we were sent to meet. I said mine seems cool and is adorable but I feel a little like a groupie. And I'm too old to be a groupie. So she gets hell bent on getting me to talk to Matt. That's when my assertive instinct kicked in. I said I'll just go up to him, give him my card and tell him that Fannie is trying to set us up. So in short that is exactly what I did, except that I didn't have any business cards so I wrote my name and number on the back of a pack of gum. 

Of course my grand idea of being direct didn't really work out that well.  I was completely ridiculous. I stuttered and kept looking down while I was talking. It was like a bad episode of Saved By The Bell. Luckily Matt was kind enough to ignore my social awkwardness and pretend that I was sort of normal. If I was drunk in this situation I would have totally made out with him. Sobriety is ruining my life.

Day 14

12pm: I'm making my way out and run into a group of guys head banging. It reminded me of the time I broke Matt Chaney's collar bone while moshing to Megadeath's Symphony of Destruction. 

12:15am: My phone rings. Its my Aunt V.A. Our conversation goes like this.

Aunt V.A.: Hello, Veeee.Aaaaa

Me: Hi Aunt V.A.

Aunt V.A.: What are you doing?

Me: Walking home from a bar in Brooklyn that I didn't drink at.

Aunt V.A.: You didn't drink? Are you sure. You sound like you've been drinking.

Me: I haven't drank in 13 days. Trust me, I'm sober.

Aunt V.A.: Well, I've been drinking.

Me: I've gathered that.

6am: I wake up to what sounds like a wrecking ball going through my living room. It's my roommate fucking some girl. I'm convinced one day his bed is going to come through my ceiling. Fuck that. I'm annoyed, I can't even make out and this guy is fucking everything that moves. 

10:15am - 8:30pm: I'm at work on a Saturday. Fuck my life

Day 15

6am - My roommates alarm clock is going off. He's not home and it's Sunday. I go upstairs unplug his fucking alarm clock and throw it in the trash. If he's not waking me up with his stomping bed above me, his alarm clock is playing proxy to my suffering.

10:45 am - 10:15pm I'm at work. I guess work is the best place to be if I'm not drinking.

Life is difficult