Days 16 and 17

So I know my blog has been lagging and I truly apologize. I've been preparing for a presentation at work and it has screwed things up.  So now I'm back on schedule  . . . . . for a little bit anyway.

Day 16

11am: My boss mentions something about her son's 4th birthday party and I hear the word "cupcakes." I know Crumbs cupcakes are involved in this baby shindig so I invite myself along.  I realize this is the perfect social engagement for someone struggling to stay sober. Why? Three reasons: 1. Um, there will be Crumbs cupcakes 2. It won't seem awkward that I'm at a party and not drinking (I certainly won't be the only one) 3. I won't have to worry about being hit-on or any awkward sober flirting. This is brilliant, I plan to crash as many children's birthday parties as possible. 

1pm: Things are getting a little stressful as we are preparing for our presentation. I realize that  I love saying the "F-word" not Fuck, just the "F-word". Kidding. We all know I like to say "fuck". It helps me relieve stress which would usually be relieved by a glass of Maker's Mark. I also enjoy the word "cunt". Yep. I like that word. I'd like to use it on some choice people in the office but I have a feeling that might get me in some hot water with HR.

11:50pm: I arrive home. I return my roommates alarm clock to him. He thought he had gotten drunk and some how lost it until he read my blog. Per usual he is upstairs with one of his girls. I'm not sure who it is and don't stick around to find out.

Day 17 

12:01am: I'm rehearsing in my room for the presentation that I have in a few hours. I am interrupted by the sounds of something crashing on the floor above me. At first I thought something fell  . . . .but as the creaking and crashing continued I realized it was Guy going at it with the girl he had over.  I continue to rehearse and the noise continues.  I actual realize now that by the sounds coming from above me which girl he has over.  I can tell who he is fucking by the bed creaking morse code. I like this one so it's cool.

12:32am: At this point it feels like a wrecking ball has been crashing into my brownstone.  At this point I'd wish he'd finish already . . . I have to get up in a few hours.  But a half hour is pretty decent so you have to give credit where credit is due.

2:15pm: After the presentation our group goes out to lunch. Most of my team exits the restaraunt before me.  I walk out of the restaurant to find my colleagues staring to the east. Oswaldo, who is a hysterically funny Cuban gay guy, has a complete look of disgust on his face.  I ask him what is wrong.  He very loudly says, "That lady is walking her cat . . . like on a leash." I look over and she surely is. Oswaldo flips his head around, raises his hand and states,"Fucking white people. They'll put a leash on anything. Dogs, cats, children. Black people and Latin people don't do that shit. They'll just fuck you up if you try to run away."

6:54pm: I sit on my bed.

8pm: I wake up in a puddle of my drool wondering where I am.

9pm: I decide I am going to take a bath, relax, then plan a date with my vibrator.  My friend Erik once told me that it is important to orgasm as much as possible. He said that it is extremely healthy, that it relieves stress and helps your skin.  Well I'm not big on plastic surgery, so anything to keep my skin looking young. 

9:45: I realize that I gave my roommate the batteries from my vibrator for the DVR remote. Fuck my life.