Days 28 and 29

Day 28

It is another weekend in the world of sobriety. The weekends are always the toughest. This weekend was shaping up to be even tougher since I was banished, by my boss, from doing any work related things. So I was pretty much being left to my own devices.

I painted round 2 of Baby Jackson's Nursery Jungle. This took me a good part of the day which was great because it kept me out of trouble.

On my way home from baby Jackson's I stopped to get some gas and a snack at the Quick Check. I was waiting in line behind a group of guys who had clearly been pre-gaming. I could smell the luscious scent of Natty Ice emanating from their breathe. I scooted closer to take in the aroma of barley and hops. I was about two seconds from spontaneously making out with one of them just to taste the remnant flavor of cheap skank beer . . . . I'm not sure I'm going to make it another 22days.

Day 29

This is the first day in weeks where I have a block of 8 hours that is not planned. So I decide to spend the morning in bed watching VH1. I caught up on Rock of Love, Tough Love and For the Love of Ray Jay. I'm not sure I dig For the Love of Ray J. I had to change the channel twice out of embarrassment, the train wreck was so bad I had to look away.

I've decided that I need to be more social while I am sober. I seriously need to find some guy to make out with because it is unlikely that my roommate will surrender the DVR remote batteries for me to re-insert in to my vibrator.

I'm not very good at sober flirting. But I figured I'd make an attempt over the next couple of weeks. My opportunity came sooner than expected. The ref for my indoor soccer game was quite cute and flirty. I did some minimal sober, sweaty girl flirty. It went O.K. I figure I'll try sober but not sweaty girl flirting in the the near future.

P.S. My indoor soccer team went undefeated this season!

So recently I was having a conversation with my Uncle Willy. One thing that I realize lately with adult figures in my life is that I'm old enough to realize that there really are no adults. Once you hit 25 shit stays the same you just go gray, bald and possibly get fat. But for the most part you'll be dealing with the same stuff now (at 27) that you will be dealing with when your 45 but I digress . . . . . .

So my uncle was telling me that he is going to dust off his "whore master" hat. I, needless to say, was very entertained by this phrase coming out of my uncle's mouth. He informed me that "whore master" was a title given to him as a young gent. Of course shortly after he was bestowed that honorable title he got married. So the "whore master" hat went in the closet. Now, impending a possible divorce he decided it was time to bring it out. I kindly asked if he could swap the "whore master" hat for his Officer Cream Puff mustache. He said, "No!"

Let me back up here a bit, so my little brother is a bit of a "dawg". He is a charmer with the ladies and has no problem finding a different one for every day of the week. Now, of course I make fun of him for this. But then he kindly reminds me that I'm also a carrier of what he calls the "lope dawg gene". This gene comes from my father (note: see previous post about crackhead dating) who seems to always have a lady or multiple ladies.

While I was talking to my Uncle Willy I realized that we have "dawg" genes on both sides of our family. So, alas, my need to taste all of the flavors in the ice cream cooler is genetic, therefore I can't be held accountable for my actions. However, this by no means implies that I am a cheater or date more than one guy at a time. It just implies that I probably will sleep with you but that does not necessarily imply I want to ever talk to you again. I mean that in the kindest way possible.