Day 21
This is the first day I have had off from work in 12days. What do I on my only day off? I clean. I dream of sipping a nice cold margarita but I clean. I do laundry, vacuum, clean the bathroom, clean out the fridge, change my sheets and make my bed.
Around 2pm my roommate Jake asks if I want to walk to the PATH with him so I can catch the train to soccer while he goes out drinking with his friends.
I often talk about my other roommate Guy but I never talk about Jake. I did not change his name because he is not sleeping with half of the five boroughs, Hoboken and Jersey City. But for posterity's sake we will call him Calamity Jake.
Both of my roommates are quite the drinkers but Jake always finds himself in some drunken ridiculous situations . . .and here are a few to wet your palette.
1. We have a Valentine's Day party. The cops show up. Guy and I are schmoozing with them trying to clear the air and cooperate. Earlier in the evening (around 9pm) some random guy pissed in our flower pot bird feeder thingy. Jake in a drunken tangle comes out into the hall and yells at the police officers, "You should be chasing down the guy who pissed in our flower pot!" He immediately storms back into the apartment. Luckily the officers found him amusing.
2. One drunken night Jake steps in some cat shit. He tracks it through the foyer and into the apartment. He does not realize what he had done until later when he steps in the remnants of the cat shit in his bare feet. He, needless to say, was grossed out.
3. Last Friday Jake is bar hopping around Jersey City with Guy. Guy heads out into Manhattan for the weekend and Jake goes to the Hard Grove to meet up with his siblings. It's around 6:30pm, he is sitting at the bar drinking a Heineken when he notices the bartender pour 5 shots of 151 and light them on fire. He thinks to himself, "Wow that's ambitious" and turns back to his beer. A few seconds later he hears a crash, the flaming shots have been knocked over and the wall size tapestry lining the bar is on fire. After a few minuets of observing the situation Jake asks if he should call 911. The other bar tenders says, "Um, Yeah!!!" He goes outside and calls 911. The operator asks, "Is the Hard Grove on fire?" Jake responds, "A, Sort of."
9pm: I'm home, watching TV, sober on a Saturday night. I think to myself. My original goal was to just give up alcohol for these 50 days. If I could have stuck with that I could totally be smoking pot, doing coke and taking my landlord up on his offer of GHB. Boy, did I mess this up!
Day 22
I'm over my angstiness. Sometimes you have to be angsty but I think in general I am a mean sober.
I spent a good part of the day working on a slide deck for another business pitch. My Aunt and cousins came by for lunch. I realized while we were talking I had nothing good to say about anyone. Here are some quick hits on why I am a mean sober.
1. I want to punch someone in their fat face for having a bad attitude
2. I hope Nicole Ritchie's little sister doesn't grow up to be a dumb ass like Nicole
3. I don't think women should take care of men. In general if you are an adult you need to take care of yourself
4. On the same token I don't think women should except anyone to take care of them. I think they should be self sufficient and stop trying to find a fucking husband to "take care of them"
5. In general if you need to be taken care I will take care of you with my foot up yo' ass
6. When my nieces and nephews act up I do/will beat their asses down the street
7. Bridal showers are stupid. If I ever get married I'm not having one. I have been the recipient of many bridal registries and I always think to myself, "who really wants this shit." If people want to give you a gift, they should just give you what they want with a gift receipt. People don't register for birthday gifts. If you get a shitty gift you either live with it or you re-gift it
In short I am a horrible person and very blunt when I am sober. My cousin Lois says I'm always like that . . . . . but I whole heartedly disagree.
I think sobriety makes me edgier. Alcohol smooths the edges but sobriety leaves me no choice but to get down to business. I noticed that I'm reverting back to my edgier self. I'm listening to more Marilyn Manson and Tool than usual. I also tend to drive faster. PS. WTF happened to my radio station. I really don't need to hear Britney Spears on five fucking stations, thank you very much.
7pm: I show up to line judge for soccer. I am asked to actually play the game that I am supposed to be judging. I'm psyched because I'll get to play two games today. I realize playing soccer is my new crutch, albeit a healthy one, until I can start drinking again. I think drinking is a better crutch than playing soccer.
Day 23
I think I need to figure out a way to go out and be social enough to pick out my "male accessory" for spring. My sister suggested this since her winter male accessory is quickly going out of style. I'd like a nice spring accessory. Since I'm trying to be less commitment phobic maybe my accessory will turn into a relationship . . . or not. I also feel that finding a spring male accessory while I'm sober is false advertising. I don't think a guy can fairly assess my qualities until he has experienced my ability to have sex like a porn star.
I feel the need to misbehave. I think I might need to curb the cursing a little though, . . . just a little.
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